What is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on sexual health, sexual function, and the relationships, identities, and stories that shape both. I'm Matthew K. Phillips, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and I work primarily with gay and queer men*. Sex therapy can help with concerns that are specifically physical, like erectile dysfunction or pain during receptive intercourse, with concerns that are emotional or relational, like the kinds of shame and silence that build up over years of growing up gay. Most often we work on all of these aspects
The Need for Sex Therapy
Sexual concerns are common and affect men of all ages. Some common reasons men* seek sex therapy include:
Erectile Dysfunction: Difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection.
Premature Ejaculation: Ejaculating before desired, causing distress.
Low Libido: A decrease in sexual desire.
Pain during anal sex (anodyspareunia): Pain experienced as the receptive partner during anal sex.
Compulsive Pornography Use: Masturbation and use of erotic materials to an extent that interferes with daily life.
Out of Control Sexual Behaviors: Consensual, partnered sex that has become unmanageable.
Relationship Issues: Addressing sexual problems impacting partnerships.
Sexual Anxiety: Anxiety or stress that negatively affects your sex life.
The Role of a Sex Therapist
As a qualified sex therapist, I play a vital role in helping men* overcome sexual challenges. I provide:
Professional Expertise: I am trained to address sexual issues and offer evidence-based solutions.
Safe and Non-Judgmental Space: A comfortable environment to discuss concerns openly.
Individualized Treatment: Tailored approaches to meet each man's unique needs.
The Sex Therapy Process
Sex therapy typically involves:
Assessment: Evaluation of your concerns, sexual history, and relationship dynamics.
Education: Learning about sexual function, arousal, and healthy expectations.
Skills Building: Techniques to manage anxiety, enhance performance, and improve communication.
Couples/Relationship Therapy: If applicable, addressing relationship issues that impact your sex life.
Homework Assignments: Practicing techniques discussed in therapy.
Follow-Up: Regular sessions to monitor progress and adjust treatment as needed.
Benefits of Sex Therapy
Engaging in sex therapy can lead to several benefits, including:
Improved Sexual Function: Enhanced performance and satisfaction.
Boosted Confidence: Reduced anxiety and increased self-assurance.
Better Relationships: Improved communication and intimacy with partners.
Overall Well-being: A healthier, happier life.
Sex Therapy for Gay and Queer Men
A lot of what gay and queer men bring to sex therapy doesn't show up in standard textbooks. Performance anxiety in hookup contexts. Desire that has gone quiet after coming out, or after a long relationship, or for no obvious reason. Negotiating open relationships, and the conversations that come with them. Wanting something sexually that you've never said out loud. Healing from sexual trauma in a body that's been through specifically queer experiences of risk and silence. Working with a gay sex therapist who already knows this terrain means you don't spend the first three sessions explaining your life.
*A note about language: I use the terms “man” and “men” inclusively to refer to all people who identify as men or masculine, including those who are transgender, non-binary, and gender diverse. Cisgender men and gender diverse men may have differing needs regarding sexual function. My experience with treating sexual function lies primarily with people with penises, as is reflected in the content of this page.