Most couples therapists will tell you they're affirming. Few understand what that actually means for two men in a relationship together.

Gay male relationships don't map onto heterosexual templates. The dynamics are different, the pressures are different, and the terrain you're navigating together is different. That includes how gay men approach sexual agreements, monogamy, and what commitment looks like outside of traditional norms. My work with gay and queer male couples starts from that premise, not from a place of catching up to it.

I'm an AASECT-certified sex therapist, a licensed clinical social worker, and a gay man in a long-term marriage. You won't spend our first sessions bringing me up to speed on what your life is actually like. We can get to work.

How Couples Arrive

Most couples don't arrive equally ready. One partner found this page. One made the call. The other agreed to show up, maybe with real skepticism about whether this will help.

That's not a problem. You don't have to be fully convinced this will work to show up.

Many of the gay men I work with learned early to handle things alone. Independence was a survival skill. Two people who learned to need no one trying to build something together creates its own friction. All of that is workable. It's often exactly where we start.

What We Work On

Couples come to me for a range of reasons. Some are in crisis. Some are managing a slow drift. Some are building something new and want to get the foundation right. And some are sitting with a sexual connection that used to feel alive and doesn't anymore, without knowing how to say that to each other.

• Sexual concerns: desire differences, pain during receptive intercourse, erectile dysfunction, and changes related to age, illness, or medication

• Sexual health: STI prevention, risk management, and navigating sexual health as a couple when additional partners are part of the picture

• Communication patterns: how conflict is handled, how needs get expressed, and where trust and respect erode over time

• Relationship structure: questions about monogamy, agreements that have shifted or been violated, and what commitment looks like for your specific partnership

• Identity and disclosure: supporting a relationship adapting to a partner coming out or evolving in their identity, including men bringing the habits and assumptions of a prior heterosexual relationship into something new

On Non-Monogamy

Gay and queer men are more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to explore consensual non-monogamy, open relationships, and polyamory. That freedom is real, and so is the complexity it creates.

Many couples I work with are navigating questions about additional connections, whether they're considering opening the relationship, already doing it, or working through what happens when an agreement broke down or was never clearly established. Building the trust and communication to maintain whatever structure you choose is at the center of this work.

Our work is guided by your relationship agreement, not by my personal values or cultural expectations about what a partnership should look like.

How I Work

Because you're in the room together, what happens between you happens in front of me. That's one of the genuine advantages of couples work. I don't rely solely on what you report happened at home. I can see how you interact, where you get stuck, and where small shifts in words or body language change the dynamic in real time.

I will sometimes validate one partner's experience in a way the other finds uncomfortable. That's part of the work. My responsibility is to make sure both of you feel heard and respected, not just by me but by each other.

The goal of our work together is not to solve every problem in session. It's to build enough trust and empathy between you that you can solve problems more effectively on your own.

My assessment process begins with one or two sessions together as a couple. From there I meet with each partner individually. These sessions give each of you space to say what you may not be ready to say with your partner in the room, and to share the relevant life experiences you each bring to the relationship. That fuller picture helps me show up more usefully when we're all together again.

Who This Is For

Two men who want a therapist who already understands their world. A couple in crisis who need somewhere to bring it. Partners who are solid and want to stay that way. A relationship built on trust that needs help finding it again.

If you found this page and you're not sure your partner will come, reach out anyway. And if you're the one who was asked to come, you're welcome here too.

This work is for men who want to show up for each other and need somewhere to do it. You won't have to explain your relationship to me first.