My Approach to Sex Therapy

Sexual health and well-being are essential aspects of a man's* life and are too often relegated to the background. Men often feel a great deal of shame when they experience a sexual dysfunction. I support men in treating and recovering from a variety of sexual concerns by addressing all areas of their lives. Because no man is the same, my approach to your sex therapy sessions is as unique as you are. Together, we can chart a course toward increased confidence and the satisfying sex life that you deserve.

In the safe and supportive context of our relationship, I will take time to help you unpack and make sense of overwhelming problems. All aspects of your human experience inform your sexual self-confidence and sexual function. Therefore, it is crucial that our therapy work addresses physical, psychological, and interpersonal components of the presenting problem. Moving toward your vision of sexual health requires careful attention to all facets of your body, identity and lived experience.

Physical. After screwing up the courage to address a sexual function concern such as ED with a primary care provider (PCP), men can sometimes leave the provider’s office with a prescription in hand and a thousand unanswered questions on their mind. Comprehensive sex therapy almost always includes a referral to a PCP or more specialized provider such as a urologist. I can only do rudimentary assessment of medical concerns and rely on my medical colleagues to take a closer look at contributing medical factors including venous leakage and occlusion, sperm count, and testosterone levels. Medical providers can also help you understand impacts of the aging process or chronic illnesses such as diabetes. Sex therapy provides a space to fill the gap between the medical treatment and your daily implementation of it.

Psychological. Sexual function is a key component of most men’s identities. He often learns at a young age that to “be a man” is to be virile, confident, and have a lifetime of “hot sex.” For most men, this image gets established by junior high school, and adult reality can be quite different. As a result, men get caught up in anxious thought loops that inhibit sexual function. It’s physically impossible to get an erection when your brain is in fight/flight/freeze mode. Let’s get out of the anxiety loop and re-train your nervous system to approach sex with curiosity and excitement.

Interpersonal. Men coping with ED will often tell me that their inability to “perform” has disrupted their confidence and their relationship with their partner/s. Problems in relationship are still present when you are having sex. Learning to communicate with your partner/s about relationship difficulties, both related to sex or not, can help you relax into a renewed sexual connection. Let’s take the word “performance” out of our sexual vernacular and replace it with pleasure, playfulness, and meaningful connection with your partner/s.

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for addressing sexual concerns and enhancing overall well-being. If you're facing challenges in your sexual life, remember that seeking help is a proactive step towards improved self-confidence, sexual well-being, and overall wellness.

*A note about language: I use the terms “man” and “men” inclusively to refer to all people who identify as men or masculine, including those who are transgender, non-binary, and gender diverse. Cisgender men and gender diverse men may have differing needs regarding sexual function. My experience with treating sexual function lies primarily with people with penises, as is reflected in the content of this page.